apotheosis

It could not be more ironic, in a way.

The biggest commitment I set out for myself was this class' initial target. It's not that I didn't fully flesh out the intended project.

Rather, I have fully abandoned it. unrelated, but no more capital letters for sentence beginnings. 

what did I fill my time with instead? two incredible projects, neither one really counts as something done for this class, at least intentionally, but both of which deeply resonate with both my original intentions and Barthes. unrelated, but no more "I" in my text.

launching a solo exhibition in Mudd Gallery was overwhelmingly beautiful. my intention was to become a solo game developer/animator, but the passion for launching "Palimpsest Reversed" took all of my time. admittedly, there is plenty of technology involved, and a lot of storytelling, so the project still contributed to my initial goals. not only was a highly original story developed, that is absolutely unique to me to the extent that it would never be told otherwise, or so is my conviction. it was also an opportunity to branch out, to see how to pull together multiple people, how to pour my brains out onto the walls. this was a truly interdisciplinary project that has helped me feel capable and confident in synergizing all that has been learned while at Lawrence. all of the meaningful classes taken in the last two years- three quoted directly, and another 2-5 being vital influences -have been included in the making of this project. 

it's a work that is already gone, though. something so impermanent that worry overwhelms me: did this make an impact on anyone? will this lead me to any other opporutnities, or will it collect dust on the shelf, a personal memory of mine?

i am glad that my hands put this together, nonetheless. it was an incredible experience, to work through so much ambition to an end more than bittersweet.

 

next, my passion flung me into the senior art minor show, where just as much time was overspent on the project as with "Palimpsest Reversed". for reasons equally great.

not only are there warmest feelings towards my photographic abilities, but a sensation of greater freedom of what a "completed" work is. in class, prof. Shimon mentioned that both projects can be treated as a "brainstorming". to me, that initial stage of creation is of the purest expression, and very intentional was my attempt to clean up, preserve, and blossom those early stages of conceptualization in the final work. there are layers upon layers of thought and sensations visible in both projects; there is no claim for a "clean slate", there is no claim for "perfection". in a way, neither of the projects is completed, but so is true of all my works, and most works of other artists. 

i don't want to pretend like i am fully satisfied, fully "done" with any project. the contemporary time, especially in america, moves far too fast. i choose to move at a slower pace.

Video that goes along with the photography displayed in Wriston Art Center.

lastly, there is the comissioned animation. satisfaction is a good word to describe my sentiment. the project is successful in what it set out to do; the intentions are rotten, however. nothing but aesthetics are present in this work. it questions nothing, it challenges nothing. to me, this is not enough- all of the works closest to my heart have actively brought to question things people around me (and myself) take for granted. but, making of this animation was still an incredible experience; so much was learned about the creative process, the software, time management, and many other things.

Link to the Animation Video

so, Barthes. not feeling that particularly challenged by the books concepts, but rather confused by the vocabulary, it felt although many of the ideas have already been in frame of awareness in my works. as someone who questions aesthetics and is fascinated by what makes an author recognizable, "death of the author" was a great way to better ground my rather blurry definitions. in both of my physical installation projects, the intent was to follow a particular set of themes that in many ways overlap. though not sure how homogenous the works are, my hope is that if they are to share a space in the future, they will be singing in unison. 

in terms of work vs. text, my aim is to provide excessive commentary whenever possible to fully clarify the intent. the interpretation, however, is rarely a topic of importance for me- my work is made for my own enjoyment, for my own understanding; almost never is my interpretation in alignment with the audience's, and that's ok. expecting nothing, in a way, helps focus on what is of value to myself. hopefully, the audience sees my work as valuable as I do.

okay, I'm done with not including the "I". Sounds way to pretentious. 

let's pause here, for now.